So I guess I am only nice to the baby. That's what my 9 yr old daughter told me. I was getting on to her about not doing something she was asked to do and she said, "Why do you only talk nice to the baby?". So I got real close to her face, put a big ol fat smile on mine and said in my sweetest baby-talk voice, "ohhh, you are just so cute! Yes you are." She started laughing and said, "mo-om!" :)
So that brings me to one of my most difficult struggles in finding balance. I WANT to be a nice mom. And I want my kids to think I am nice and fun and cool and whatever the new buzz word is these days for being awesome. However, I also want them to learn to listen and to be responsible and to know how to work and to pick up after themselves and to appreciate cleanliness. Can I possibly do both? Why is it that if I park my kids in front of the TV I could do all of their chores in an hour (ok, that's assuming that I don't get on the phone or distracted by pinterest), but if I ask them to do their chores, 5 1/2 hours later I will still be arguing with them on why they have to pick up their toys if no one is coming over. "It's not like the president is coming over, or anything!" I could put all their toothbrushes back in the holder and clean up the pieces of floss and dripped toothpaste in 5 minutes so is it worth it to spend 30 to make them do it themselves? Am I doing it all wrong? I see moms who put on "summer camps" and jungle safaris for their kids and I feel lucky if we can just make it to the library when they are actually open!
Somewhere in space and time there is a mom whose home is spotless and her children cheerfully helped get it that way. And now they are frolicking in the park holding hands and playing tag after eating their delicious nutritious lunch. Or is there??
My mom tells a story of group of kids whose moms would always make the prettiest cupcakes, the coolest gifts, the cutest crafts and had the neatest homes but the kids always wanted to go play at the cluttered house where the mom let them decorate their own cupcakes.
Can i be nice and fun at the same time?? Where is the happy middle?
Any advice from you nice moms out there?
My mom would tell us to do something and if I didnt do it she would just say nothing and then when I wanted something or to go somewhere then she would remind me of the task. You can bet I did it quick. I think in order to do that you really have to work on patience, not caring about apearences and the urge to do it yourself. Gavin has been an aweful eater lately and was naughty in primary and so I did a sticker chart and even though it hasnt been perfect he did improve in his behavior and I didnt have to get mad at him all the time.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the ideas Kandra!
DeleteThis is such a familiar question. Even with a son on a mission I joke with my husband about him being the "fun" one. I send my son packages with new pants, stamps, ties etc. Then he writes home and thanks Dad for the box of candy he sent out that I didn't know about. lol Looking at the big picture is key in this struggle. When they are young, and even as teens, the have difficulty seeing anything but their own wants and needs. Nothing is ever fair, ever. But keep at it you are teaching them self relieance, respect for others, and how to be a good citizen. After all, the first community they experience is their home. The reward is so worth the work, even if some days make you doubt.
ReplyDeleteThat is so funny Ericka! My mom used to say the same thing when my siblings and I were on missions and my dad would send us stuff! Sometimes it's so hard to see the big picture but you are so right! Thanks for commenting!
DeleteI have the same struggle. Lol. It is so nice not to feel alone. I have had some success with giving them so many. Beans to add to their bean jar. Then they get to use them to buy time with friends, use the computer, watch a movie... My kids loved it. For a while then I had to change to getting to choose a smiley face paper off the fridge after their chores where done. The papers had rewards on them like make bubbles with mom, choose a snack to make with mom, choose the park we go to today.... I have even had them draw out their chores for the day I had written on slips of paper. These are some ideas I have used Love your blog! I like to be a fun mom too.
ReplyDeleteGreat ideas! Thanks! I appreciate you reading and for the kind words!
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